Have you ever had a feeling of being trapped? If you have, it is not a pleasant experience.
Imagine being trapped in an elevator; trapped in a coal mine; trapped in solitary confinement, or even trapped by human trafficking. In everyday life, we can be “trapped” in our marriage, our career, our home, our physical body, our financial situation, or even in our place of worship.
The feeling that you cannot do anything to escape these situations is discouraging and scary. Sometimes these situations can cause us to become apathetic, slide into a mental illness, or even become suicidal.
Everyone experiences “feeling trapped” at some point in their life—if not physically, emotionally.
Individuals with physical disabilities may feel trapped in “their handicap.” Those with mental illnesses feel trapped in their psychic.
Trapped: Unfortunate Life Circumstances
Unfortunate life circumstances usually build upon 4 phases. First, a concern leads to an anxiety. Anxiety leads to depression. And depression leads to hopelessness. How one moves or fluctuates through these 4 stages are dependent upon one’s emotional stability or specific happenstances that occur along the way.
The first and only time I entered a tanning salon, I was quite panicky. It was mainly peer-pressure that lead me to enter the doors of the tanning salon in the first place. Once there, I should have felt secure since the instructions given were thorough and detailed even before I entered the tanning room. However, I felt uncomfortable about how I was dressed (or should I say not dressed) as I rotated myself into the tanning bed. As I laid in the booth, my anxiety rose. I wasn’t sure what thought overpowered me—the regret of even being there or my fear of a severe heat rash burn. I wanted so much to close my eyes and relax, but I feared that if I fell asleep, the attendant might never come back. My fear became so exaggerated I truly believed I might die.
Apparently, I suppose the instructions were not as good as I originally thought because I learned later that there is a space where my hand could have fit to open the tanning lid myself. I was unaware that the lid didn’t lock! There was a way of escape, but I didn’t know it. The same goes for us when we encounter unfortunate life circumstances.
While the illustration above is biographical and true, it is told as a “moral tale” to share how we may react under pressure. The question now presents itself as, “What happens when one feels trapped?”
When You Feel Trapped and Your Dreams Are Shattered
When your dreams are shattered, you may turn to psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, fortune tellers, clergy, and more. You will do anything you can to be free from the situation. Then, when the “helpful” people cannot provide relief, you become depressed and hopeless. At this point, you may lose your will to go on, because your dreams have been shattered. You see no viable choices to rid yourself of the deep rut you find yourself in.
You might . . .
– Divorce your spouse and leave your children,
– Quit your job,
– Change your living situation,
– Resign yourself to being mentally or physically deranged,
– Claim bankruptcy,
– Drop out of the church, or more.
When a situation becomes too painful, you want to escape instantly. But, there is another option. That option is to trust in the Lord to help you through the trials you are facing. Sometimes we are even fixating on the wrong aspect of our dilemma. Somewhere in my concern over the tanning bed, I probably should have been more concerned about the ultra-violet radiation and the possibility of getting cancer, but I wasn’t.
Trust in Jesus: The Way of Escape
God is a mighty God—always willing to help you escape distressing perpetual life emergencies. When you reach a severe lowness in life, God’s desire is for us to look up and receive His son Jesus Christ. Trusting Christ and asking Him to change your heart is the best place to start. He loves you and wants to help you with the pain and agony you are experiencing.
In Receiving and Giving, author David A. Peterson writes, “God never steps over us in our trouble. God never turns a blind eye to our need. God is never insensitive to our broken dreams. God is not put off by the consequences of our rebellion. Our walls are ever before Him.”¹
God’s Gift of Salvation
God desires a personal relationship with you. His gift of salvation is available to you. Without Christ in your life, your existence may seem incomplete.
But, God has a plan for your life. To experience His will, you must accept Jesus Christ with a change of heart towards Him. Through a personal conviction when God Himself comes to you, we can repent, turn from our sin, and have faith in Christ. Once this occurs we are born again into the family God.
While situations may not improve overnight, you have the assurance that God is on your side and that He is helping you live securely and contently with all of life’s unexpected turns. God is always present to give you wisdom and understanding. Through all your ins-and-outs of life, God’s guidance will help all you to remedy and work through your distressing situations properly.
Jesus Christ is powerful. He can heal your marriage, find you a new job, and provide miraculously for your every need.
We do not have to live a lifetime of feeling trapped. His love and His willingness to lead our lives into productivity are absolutely astounding.
8 Steps to Relieve Our Concerns, Anxiety, Depression, and Hopelessness
If you haven’t already accepted Jesus Christ, you must ask God to forgive your sins, to accept Jesus Christ, and have faith in Him to be your Lord and Savior.
If you have accepted Christ but are not following Him fully, you must recommit your life to worship Him with your entire body and soul.
Pray and not lose heart over your situation.
Brainstorm your problem. Think of ways to change your situation and spend time going through all the ideas you come up with and see what might work. Then, give all these ideas to Jesus in prayer again.
Determine not to make any changes until you experience both His guidance and direction.
Accept and seek help—medical, spiritual, or both.
Read the Bible and determine not to proceed with any action that is contrary to the Word of God. You may need to talk to a mature believer or a pastor for help in discerning what is right from wrong, especially if you are a new believer in Christ.
Share your concerns with a trustworthy friend or counselor.
Understand that God may be teaching you a valuable life lesson through your situation.
Then, start again with No. 1.
Jesus asks, “What do you want me to do for you?”
Bartimaeus, a blind man was sitting by the road begging when Jesus was passing by. He heard a multitude of people going by and he asked what the commotion was all about. He was told Jesus was passing by. He called out say, “Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me!” He was sternly told to stop and be quiet, but he kept crying out to Jesus. Jesus stopped and commanded that this man be brought to Him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?” Bartimaeus said that he wanted to regain his sight. Jesus told him, “Receive your sight; your faith has made you well.” His request was granted, and he received his eyesight, began to follow Jesus, and glorified God. (Luke 18:35-43)
Think of the possibilities. When you feel trapped, wouldn’t you like God to ask you, “What do you want me to do for you?” Trust Him and start the process by telling Him what you want Him to do for you. His answer might just be exactly what you need to start afresh!
Bible Verses
Prayer
Dear Lord. It is hard for me to fathom that you can get me out of the situation I am currently in. I feel trapped with no way out. I don’t think I can take it anymore. Lord, help me in my unbelief. Help me to reach out to you and accept your salvation and guidance. Teach me to pray. Teach me to desire Your will and Your Word. In Jesus’ Name. Amen
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
¹Peterson, David. Receiving and Giving: Unleashing the Bless Challenge. Houston: David A. Peterson, 2012.
Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
If you found this post helpful, please like/share it so others can get the benefit. Thanks. If you would like to receive email notifications of new posts or to receive monthly newsletters, please click here and scroll down on www.GreenePastures.org to subscribe.
Wisdom fills the pages of the Book of Proverbs. It is here we find some of the most profound phrases from the entire Bible. Some scholars believe King Solomon wrote all the proverbs while others acknowledge multiple participants, such as King Solomon as the most prominent author, Agur son of Jakeh, King Lemeul, and various wise men. Difficulty in pinpointing the date of origin of Proverbs is prevalent, but many historians date these words between the 6th and 10th century BC. The source and/or date are not actually important points to stress over. What is important is that God’s wisdom fills the thirty-one chapters with knowledge and instruction designed to give us a guideline for godly living.
Recently I read the Book of Proverbs. Choosing one special verse from each chapter was difficult, but I did. The verses are below, and I pray that they will guide you as you encounter this new year.
Proverbs
Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance. (Proverbs 1:5 NLT)
Yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. (Proverbs 2:3-5 ESV)
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6 NASB)
Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. (Proverbs 4:5 KJV)
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18 NIV)
My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. (Proverbs 6:20 NLT)
My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teachings as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend. (Proverbs 7:1-4 ESV)
I love those who love me, And those who diligently seek me will find me. (Proverbs 8:17 NASB)
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. (Proverbs 9:10 KJV)
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, But violence covereth the mouth of the wicked. (Proverbs 10:11 ASV)
A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. (Proverbs 11:13 NLT)
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. (Proverbs 12:25 ESV)
He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction. (Proverbs 13:3 KJV)
Work brings profit, but mere talk leads to poverty! (Proverbs 14:23 NLT)
A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1 NASB)
Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established. The LORD hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil. (Proverbs 16:3-4 KJV)
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. (Proverbs 17:27-28 NIV)
It is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the righteous of justice. (Proverbs 18:5 ESV)
Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool. (Proverbs 19:1 ESV)
He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. (Proverbs 20:19 KJV)
He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered. (Proverbs 21:13 NASB)
Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. (Proverbs 22:24-25 NLT)
Labour not to be rich: cease from thine own wisdom. (Proverbs 23:4 KJV)
Surely you need guidance to wage war, and victory is won through many advisers. (Proverbs 24:6 NIV)
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter. (Proverbs 25:2 NASB)
Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. (Proverbs 26:11 ESV)
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:1-2 ESV)
Evil men understand not judgment: but they that seek the LORD understand all [things]. (Proverbs 28:5 KJV)
Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor. (Proverbs 29:23 NIV)
If you have been a fool by being proud or plotting evil, cover your mouth in shame. (Proverbs 30:32 NLT)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, [But] a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 NASB)
Conclusion on The Wisdom in Proverbs
May God bless and keep you safe from all harm. May His power and strength keep you on the straight and narrow path because it is only when we follow His path that we encounter true joy, peace, and contentment in our lives.
Think about making a commitment to read the entire Book of Proverbs. Since there are thirty-one chapters in the book, you can finish the entire book in approximately 1 month by reading only one chapter each day.
In this blog, I just shared a “sprinkling of God’s wisdom” with you. Why not get a “downpour of His wisdom” by starting today with a Proverbs reading plan!
Prayer and Bible study will revolutionize your personal life. The mixture of these two powerful disciplines can provide the comfort and security we all desire in our lives.
Prayer
In the charming children’s story The Relatives Came by Cynthia Rylant, a child’s extended clan gathered one afternoon to enjoy each other’s company amidst laughter, love, and family festivities. What better summer day could any child have, other than relishing the comfort and security of aunts, uncles, and cousins?
In 1962, while on a summer vacation in Connecticut, my relatives came from everywhere—California, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Vermont for a similar “kinfolk” reunion.
As an 8-year old child, dressed in my blue-flowered tunic and denim jeans, I stood in my aunt and uncle’s backyard mesmerized by the hustle and bustle of summer activities. The adults were running around, in and out of the house, preparing for the long-awaited summertime barbeque. My relatives were laughing, smiling, and just plain old happy to be together.
The picnic tables and card tables were covered with red and white checkered tablecloths; the tea was being poured; the aroma from the barbequed hot dogs and hamburgers permeated the backyard.
From my vantage point, I could see the bright blue sky surrounded by the tall New England trees. I remember vividly that my mind was centered on God. I wanted to see Him work that day. I wanted to test His power. Yes, right then and there—on that beautiful summer day.
I wanted to know if God was real. I wanted to know if He would listen to an 8-year-old little girl. I wanted to know if I could pray for rain even though no sign of rain was evident anywhere, knowing full and well that rain would ruin our family celebration.
I prayed for rain. And rain it did, just as Psalm 77:17 says, “the clouds poured out water . . . “
As we readied ourselves to eat, small droplets of rain slowly landed on my head. Before long, larger, heavier drops began streaming down from the sky.
My aunt made the final call as she waved us all into the house. “Hey kids and everyone, we are moving everything inside! Grab something and get inside immediately!”
Within a few short minutes, my enterprising prayer was answered!
Do I believe God answered my prayer? Yes, most definitely! I asked, and God answered. I am not saying He always answers so quickly or so affirmatively, but He did that day. Why? Because in the big scheme of my life, maybe God needed me to experience His “realness” and His “power.”
I never told my relatives that I was the cause of the rain that day, but God chose that incident to show me that He can not only move mountains, but He can also change the minute events in our lives through honest, sincere, childlike prayer.
We pray prayers like . . .
“God, give me strength and healing in my sickness.”
“Lord, I don’t understand why my son my son/daughter has turned against You.”
“I don’t know when to retire. I am seeking Your timing as I move into the next stage of my life.”
These prayers and others like this reach the throne of God day after day. God hears them all and
He is ready to answer them. But, we must do our part—and that is to pray and to seek out His wisdom and direction through becoming familiar with His Word—The Bible.
Bible Study
The Barna Group, a market research firm specializing in studying the religious beliefs and behavior of Americans, has carefully and strategically tracked the role of faith in America, developing one of the nation’s most comprehensive databases of spiritual indicators. They state that:
“Americans continue to own Bibles—but readership is not as ubiquitous as ownership. About one-third of Americans read the Bible at least once a week, and this proportion has remained fairly stable. Likewise, the two out of five American adults who read the Bible less than once a year or never has thus far proven to be a stable proportion. Unless something dramatically changes among Millennials, however, Barna researchers expect reading frequency in the general population to trend downward in coming years . . . “ ¹
Prayer and Bible reading are inseparable. The two go together. Prayer is us communicating with God. The Bible is God communicating with us.
Embracing the Word of God and expanding our Biblical knowledge is the key to learning the wonderful truths of our God.
I learned early in my Christian walk to value the Word of God.
Many prayers later — 14-years after praying for rain — I prayed again and made a “deal with God.”
As my second year of teaching wore on, however, my lofty hopes were rudely dashed, and I really just wanted to go home and be with my family in Houst0n. But, it had to be because God chose that path for me, rather than my own pain and frustration doing the selection for me.
I had previously resolved that I would read the Scriptures until God clearly showed me which way to go. Yet, I had already read the ENTIRE Bible under this mandate, and God still had not given me an answer!
In my early twenties I got a job teaching second grade in Aledo, Texas, a suburb of Fort Worth. I chose that location because the area offered promise for my life ahead, as I was just out of college, full of rosy dreams and great expectations.
As my second year of teaching wore on, however, my lofty hopes were rudely dashed, and I really just wanted to go home and be with my family in Houston … but it had to be because God chose that path for me, rather than my own pain and frustration doing the selection for me.
I had previously resolved that I would read the Scriptures until God clearly showed me which way to go. Yet, I had already read the ENTIRE Bible under this mandate, and God still had not given me an answer!
The choice was forced upon me one day by the school where I worked. I remember the date – April 1st. My principal knocked on my classroom door and handed me my contract for the next school year and declared, “I need this back by the end of the day today.”
I had to specify whether I would be returning to the school next year, and decide, one way or the other, in the next few hours.
The advantage of staying, of course, is that I had a guaranteed job for next year, without the hassle of having to move. But it would be at the expense of my family and me having to navigate my despair without their close support.
So, what do good teachers do? They give their class some busy work, pull out their Bible, and plead with God for an answer. That, at least, is what I did.
God’s answer came in the form of a Bible verse from Ecclesiastes 11:5, “Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things.”
I can’t really explain why that verse confirmed I should move to Houston other than His Holy Spirit revealed that I should move. As I have pondered that verse over the years, I believe that even though we don’t understand how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant mother, I didn’t need to understand why I was led to move back home, but I was to obey His leading. In addition, God was gracious enough to confirm that this verse was especially for me by allowing the verse numbers to parallel my birth date—November 5.
Appreciatively, I turned in my unsigned contract that very day with unbelievable poise and confidence. I was at peace, because this long drawn out decision process was finally over, and God had finally “weighed in” with His choice.
God’s Word PLUS prayer gave me the confidence to follow His will. He will do the same for you However, some believers just don’t pray or read the Bible. Their reasons vary. They might say . . .
“Why pray and read the Bible when God is going to do whatever He wants to anyway?”
“Nothing will happen when I pray.”
“I don’t have the time or the discipline to pray or read the Bible.”
“I tried praying before and nothing happened.”
“The Bible isn’t relevant to me.”
There are many reasons why we should pray and read God’s Word. They are . . .
Prayer and Bible reading makes us become more like Jesus.
God will comfort us through prayer and His Word when we need it.
Prayer and reading the Bible teaches us how to model ourselves after Jesus.
We need to find, know, and understand God’s will for our life. Prayer and the words of God with the help of the Holy Spirit help us to discern His will.
Prayer and Bible study makes us aware of evil while helping us to recognize our own sin and how forgiveness is necessary.
Prayer and embracing God’s Word helps us to submit to God and resist Satan.
Prayer and Bible reading protects us from evil.
Concluding Assignment
I want you to think of prayer as the yolk of an egg. Then, I want you to think of Bible reading as that same egg’s white part.
You can make scrambled eggs with the yolks and whites separately, but they just don’t taste the same until they are mixed. That is the same with us. When we combine prayer and Bible study together, we will receive His comfort and security. And as a bonus, we receive the confidence that He knows the big picture for our lives.
Bible Verses:
In that day you will not question Me about anything. Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you. (John 16:23)
Jesus said to them, “Is this not the reason you are mistaken, that you do not understand the Scriptures or the power of God? (Mark 12:24)
Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do what is proper, (Philemon 1:8)
Prayer:
Dear Jesus, You are my confidence and comfort. Motivate me daily to pray and study my Bible. Lord, show me Your will through Your words and Your Holy Spirit. With arms open to You, I commit today to put You first in my life. Guide me, help me, and lead me to be the person You want me to be. I commit my ministries to You. May all I do glorify You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member #bgbg2
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
If you found this post helpful, please like/share it so others can get the benefit. Thanks. If you would like to receive email notifications of new posts or to receive monthly newsletters, please click here and scroll down on www.GreenePastures.org to subscribe.
Answer Me: Developing a Heart for Prayer by Patti GreeneAnchor Me: Laying a Foundation in Bible Study and PrayerAwaken Me: Growing Deeper in Bible Study and Prayer
Bibliography
¹ Barna. https://www.barna.com/Accessed November 10, 2017.
All human beings experience inconveniences every now and then. The word “inconvenience” and its derivatives come under different terms such as disruption, aggravation, hassle, trouble, stress, difficulty, and more.
This past week (Thursday, to be exact), I had my day scheduled—Bible study, writing my blog, cleaning closets, working in the yard, but in the afternoon, my mother became very ill: the kind of “ill” that required a trip to the Emergency Room.
After evaluation, my mother was admitted to the hospital. Being the only daughter, I am the designated sibling to stay at the hospital with my mother each evening—not that I minded in the least. During the four-day hospital stay, my schedule was disrupted and I didn’t accomplish anything on my “to-do” list.
This is NOT the kind of inconvenience I am talking about.
The kind of inconvenience I am talking about is the annoying inconveniences that cause one’s stress level to heighten, one’s blood pressure to elevate, and one’s heart rate to become erratic. These usually happen because our mind is set on what we want to do, but then something gets in our way and produces a different schedule other than our anticipated one.
To Illustrate
On Tuesday, I went to the drug store. I arrived home only to realize that I forgot to pick up a medicine I really needed. I sighed and berated myself because I had to drive back to the store during Houston’s horrendous rush hour traffic. It was inconvenient!
On Wednesday, my computer wasn’t cooperating. My husband wasn’t home to fix it. I moaned and groaned. Why? Because I wanted to do what I wanted to do right then and there without having to wait—because waiting is inconvenient!
It sounds foolish that I stress out over trivial and insignificant things. I am a Christ-follower who is supposed to be patient, kind, and self-controlled, but just a small inconvenience can upset my spiritual life, my thought processes, and my physical health dramatically.
I know God sees my inconsequential aggravations and stress. I wonder, though, what He thinks about my petty annoyances while He is handling big problems like wars, death, floods, earthquakes, false prophets, shootings, child abuse, drug abuse, and evil.
The Bible is full of people who were inconvenienced. Some are only inconvenienced for a short period of time—others for years.
Saul was inconvenienced when he was charged to look for his father’s lost donkeys. When Saul decided to return to his father without locating his donkeys, Saul’s servant suggested they look for “a seer” in a different town to inquire about the journey they had set out upon. In those days, seers were also known as prophets. Saul had been inconvenienced again by having to go to a different city than he had planned. However, while there, God arranged for the prophet Samuel and Saul to meet and Saul was anointed to be the King of Israel. Here we see that disruptions and inconveniences of are often part of the Lord’s plans for our life. (1 Samuel 9-10)
Jesus was inconvenienced when the people kept following him wanting His attention, but He welcomed and ministered to them in love. (Luke 23:27-29)
The disciples were tired and wanted to rest, but Jesus inconvenienced them by asking them to feed the 5,000. (Matthew 14:15-21)
Paul was inconvenienced by being arrested and put in prison time after time when all he wanted to do was spread the gospel. (Acts 21:31-37)
In each of these situations, the Bible reveals that great things occurred out of inconveniences. A king was crowned. Ministry took place. People were miraculously fed. And the gospel was spread through Paul’s writings in prison.
Have you ever thought about how we should respond when we experience difficulties?
How to Respond to Inconveniences, Disruptions, Aggravations, Hassles, Inopportunity, Troubles, and Difficulties
Recognize that the inconveniences we encounter are there to grow us closer to the Lord and to prepare us for what else might come in our future.
Pray immediately by giving the situation to the Lord and seek His purpose for it.
Understand and meditate on the Word of God with thanksgiving.
Look at inconveniences as divine opportunities.
Control anger.
A Look-Back
Referring to my earlier illustrations . . .
When I returned to the drug store, I found a lonely soul who needed my smile.
When my computer didn’t work, I was able to find something more constructive to do.
If only I wouldn’t have allowed those inconveniences to get the best of me before I saw the benefits.
Well, maybe next time I will!
Bible Verses:
“In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
“Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10)
Prayer:
Dear Lord,
Please let me look at my inconveniences and disruptions through Your eyes. Let me understand that everything I experience is meant to draw me closer to the destiny You have for me. Thank you for the plans You have for me. Grant me the ability to accept what comes into my life. Let me follow where You lead and let me become closer and closer to You.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member #bgbg2
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
If you found this post helpful, please like/share it so others can get the benefit. Thanks. If you would like to receive email notifications of new posts or to receive monthly newsletters, please click here and scroll down on www.GreenePastures.org to subscribe.
Answer Me: Developing a Heart for Prayer by Patti GreeneAnchor Me: Laying a Foundation in Bible Study and PrayerAwaken Me: Growing Deeper in Bible Study and Prayer
One of my relatives is a hoarder, and a friend has two middle-aged sons also affected by this condition known as hoarding. Being someone who loves to research social issues, the topic piqued my interest enough for me to investigate hoarding disorders for myself.
Famous brothers Homer and Langley Collyer, well-known wealthy Manhattan residents, are recognized as hoarders. After the death of their parents in the 1920’s, the two men withdrew from the public. They split their time between the family’s Manhattan residence and their Harlem brownstones.
In 1947, a neighbor notified the police about an overpowering odor coming from their home. When the police arrived, they found Homer, who was blind and crippled, dead and surrounded by trash. David K. Israel, author of “7 Famous Hoarders” said, “His corpse was amid tons of junk, including an early X-ray machine, the jawbone of a horse and bundles upon bundles of old newspapers.”
After a full and lengthy search, Langley’s dead body was found in one of their brownstones, buried by newspapers. His death had occurred weeks before. Israel noted that Langley “had been dead for weeks and rats had eaten most of his body. It was ultimately determined that Homer died of starvation when Langley, who fed his crippled, blind brother, was crushed to death under . . . a bunch of junk.” ¹
History of Hoarding
The study of hoarding is a relatively new study. In the 1990s, many psychologists and neurologists assigned hoarding into the category of an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for lack of a better classification. However, owning many possessions makes a person with OCD feel anxious and unnerved while a hoarder finds extreme delight in finding bargains and purchasing a good deal. In 1993, psychology professor Randy Frost at Smith College attempted the first methodical study on hoarding. Now 24 years later, there has been an obsession with TV shows such as TLC’s Hoarding: Buried Alive and A&E’s Hoarders.
Hoarding is a brand-new disorder. In The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5 published in 2013, hoarding is now listed among other psychiatric diagnoses.
In the article “Why Do You Hoard?” by Bonnie Tsui states that most scientists believe hoarding has three defining characteristics:
the excessive acquisition of things that appear to be of little or no value
the inability to discard possessions; and
the disorganization of those possessions, which clutter up living spaces and make them impossible to use for their intended purposes.” ²
Hoarders
Hoarders often live alone and other people are frequently unaware of their hoarding. Other times hoarders are just considered “pack rats” by those who know them.
Hoarders may save newspapers, papers, plastic bags, pill bottles, shoes, food, mail, photographs, magazines, household supplies, flyers, bottle caps, beer bottles, clothing, or more. Some people even hoard animals.
Jill, a recovering hoarder whose last name was withheld, says about her hoarding:
“I just have too much stuff. I’m a “packrat.” There is stuff everywhere in plastic containers and in drawers. I have enough clothing to dress all the neighbor women for a couple of weeks each. This stuff is mine and I see a use for all of it. I just can’t bring myself to throw away any of it. I like it all! I really wish every space in my house wasn’t a collect-all.
We don’t even get to sit at the table as a family. My husband complains we hate to have unexpected family, we eat out because there is no space on the counter to cook, important papers get lost and we buy more stuff because so many things get misplaced. Everyone passes the blame on someone else. To top it all off, we live in a small ranch home with little closets. How will I ever overcome all of this hoard? I want to live like the normal tidy person—Stuff is ruining MY LIFE.” ³
Types of Hoarding
Many types of hoarding occur because of one’s background, education level, different personality, DNA, and other factors.
The “Address Our Mess” website discusses five main types of hoarding. ⁴
Shopper or Shopping Hoarder
This individual might shop daily. Many of the items purchased find themselves years later in the hallway or closet with the original price tags still on – unused. They might purchase clothing, collectibles, technology. They may feel incapable and experience severe anxiety if they pass up this “basement bargain.”
Food Hoarding
Some shoppers make runs to the grocery stores even when their refrigerators, freezers, and pantries are at full capacity. Throwing away outdated food seems wasteful and rarely occurs. Dealing with spoiled food, diseases, and unsanitary conditions may lead to severe illnesses and possibly death.
Garbage and Trash Hoarding
This type of hoarder is unable to discard their waste and trash. Some hoarders are known to go through other people’s garbage to see if they find valuable items. One might find trash hoarders storing garbage in their homes, garages, yards, or storage facilities.
Animal Hoarding
Many animal hoarders believe that they are helping animals by keeping them safe and loved in their living quarters or on their land. However, they fail to take into account that the lack of grooming, accumulation of waste, and non-existent exercise creates an unsatisfactory environment. Due to deplorable situations, animals are being starved and/or disease-ridden.
Paper Hoarding
Paper hoarders cannot throw away, shed, or discard anything on paper, i.e. bills, flyers, magazines, newspapers, forms, books. Stories abound of people who have been missing and later found injured or dead from being hidden under an extraordinary amount of paper products.
An excellent article written by the National Study Group on Compulsive Disorganization was reprinted in the Dec. 1, 2010, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette newspaper issue. The article was titled, “Levels of Hoarding: Some Guidelines for Recognizing the Problem.” The organization created a scale for professional organizers making their initial contact with their clients. Although the study took place in the early 1990s, it is still relevant and informative today. Click here to read the article:
Genetics, anxiety disorders, lack of organization skills, loss, being raised in poverty, fear, psychotic tendencies, and even dementia are reasons why someone might hoard.
For many hoarders, it is incomprehensible to pass by a bargain. They love to shop or purchase items online which they don’t need. They feel they might need the item one day in the future. Hoarders pile things up around their home, office, or yard in an unorganized fashion. Afterwards, they become emotionally attached to these things to the point of being unable to part with them. A vicious cycle occurs with purchasing and saving items. Year after year, the hoarding becomes more harmful and unhealthy.
However, hoarders rarely realize the extent of their hoarding. While it may be obvious to an outsider, the hoarder’s mind may not see the devastation and destruction occurring due to their accumulating and stockpiling.
Carol Mathews of the University of California, San Francisco, and others have studied the cognitive patterns of hoarders. Mathews’ MRI studies try to simulate emotions relating to hoarding, i.e. how a hoarder sorts, categorizes and thinks about discarding items. ⁴
Signs and Symptoms of Hoarding
Hoarders may not recognize how much of a burden their possessions create on their physical, social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual life. Many signs and symptoms indicate potential or established hoarders struggle to pay bills because they keep repurchasing items or devices they have “misplaced.” A few hoarders even lose custody of their children when their environment creates a needless safety or health hazards for their family.
Other indications of a hoarder may include having . . .
Limited or no livable space in their home.
An isolated and depressed life.
A regulated or non-existent social life.
Things replace human relationships.
Marital problems. (Many divorces occur due to the spouse’s inability to deal with the appalling living conditions.)
Children who will not invite their friends over to their home.
Financial problems.
An inability to organize their possessions.
An unfounded fear of running out of items, i.e. shampoo, boxes, food.
An inability to sell, give away, or part with their possessions. (This often creates an intolerable anxiety in hoarders.)
No power to keep their home functioning due to their clutter, i.e. not being able to reach a light fixture to replace a light bulb.
To live with broken household items in their home for fear of inviting repairmen into their extremely cluttered home.
An inability to bathe or reach their toilet.
An inability to cook due to broken equipment or being able to reach their stove, oven, or microwave.
Hoarding vs. Collecting
Hoarding and collecting are different entities. Both are characterized by acquiring possessions, but their purposes and intentions are different. Having a collection involves a sense of pride about what a person amasses in their acquisitions. Collectors usually display their items in an orderly fashion—on a shelf, in a curio cabinet, over the fireplace. A collector loves to talk to others about their collections.
On the other hand, a hoarder may be embarrassed by their “prized” possessions and they may be uncomfortable with others seeing their accumulation of “stuff.”
Recovery for Hoarders
Ample reasons abound regarding why hoarding should be addressed and why hoarders should be treated. However, the most important reason is that all the accumulation affects the health and safety of the individual and those around them. Hoarding can lead to hospitalizations, children being taken away from parents, fire, evictions, homelessness, and even death.
Help is available for hoarders. A clutter specialist, accountability partner, a 12-step program, and/or a physician is often needed to help with the remediation of this disorder. Understanding that recovery is a continual process is imperative. If someone came into a hoarder’s home and cleared out everything so the home was relatively clean and orderly, the home would quickly become ‘unlivable’ to the average person unless the emotional aspects of hoarding had been dealt with. To overcome a hoarding lifestyle, group involvement must occur. A hoarder needs to find a friend, family member, or support group to help with the initial stages of cleanup.
Many great articles are available on the Internet where support groups and help can be found. Talking to one’s family physician about the problem is an excellent starting point.
Christian Perspective on Hoarding
Just like any other difficulty we face in life, we need hope to overcome it. Making wise choices give us hope while addressing the problem and reaching an actual solution. Hoarding is difficult to treat. God is willing and waiting to help. Nevertheless, there must be a desire in the individual to want to do something about their hoarding problem. God and others will help hoarders free their attitudes regarding possessions and He will help in maintaining a clutter-free lifestyle. This is accomplished through God, therapy, friends, and PRAYER!
GotQuestions.org speaks to hope on its website. “No matter where a hoarder falls of the spectrum, there is hope. A hoarder needs to learn how to make healthy decisions that will lead to resisting the urge for more buying/acquiring, disposing of unneeded items, and putting things in a regular place . . . The underlying cause of hoarding is our human tendency to want things and our inability to discern what is truly valuable. For those with severe compulsive hoarding, anxiety or loss or genetics may prompt the behavior and limit a person’s ability to discern value and worth. But for all of us, Jesus is the most precious treasure we can possess, and His followers should value what He values. Trusting in Him means we no longer should rely on ourselves in a hopeless effort to meet our needs or satisfy our souls. Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35)” ⁶
Conclusion:
Informational blogs like this one sometimes lack the compassion which should accompany them. My desire for believers is to have compassion for those unable to free themselves from anything they find themselves in bondage to—including hoarding. When held in bondage, we are unable to be a useful witness for the Lord to others. But, when we are released from that bondage, we open ourselves up to living a full and meaningful life. Let’s be compassionate and caring. At times in our lives, we might find ourselves in difficult situations. We don’t need judgment during those times. We need love, compassion, and help.
If you like this article, let me know, because the flip side to hoarding is when people possess an extreme and excessive need to PURGE themselves of their possessions. It’s a tough concept to comprehend, but it will make for an interesting blog topic someday! And just remember, we are all on the spectrum between the two extremes!
Where do you find yourself?
——–
Bible Verses:
Thought: We live in a word filled with idolatry. Our cars, our homes, our stock portfolios, and our vacations have become idols to us. It’s not rocket science to see how a person can become a hoarder. But believers should be set apart from idolatry no matter what form it takes. The Bible tells us not to love our money or possessions but to serve the Lord with our entire heart. The verses below will help us to see God’s perspective on storing possessions, greed, compassion, and how to overcome any problem we might be facing.
You shall have no other gods before Me. (Exodus 20:3)
There is a grievous evil which I have seen under the sun: riches being hoarded by their owner to his hurt. (Ecclesiastes 5:13
Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God.” (Isaiah 40:27)
Ah Lord God, Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You. (Jeremiah 32:17)
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. (Matthew 6:24)
Then He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15)
Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves money belts which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Luke 12:33-34)
You, in Your great compassion,
Did not forsake them in the wilderness;
The pillar of cloud did not leave them by day,
To guide them on their way,
Nor the pillar of fire by night, to light for them the way in which they were to go. (Nehemiah 9:19)
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. (1 Peter 2:17)
Prayer:
My heavenly Father. Thank you for teaching me daily more about Your people. Help me in the areas I struggle with and give me compassion for those who are different from me. Give me Your wisdom and grace. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
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Answer Me: Developing a Heart for Prayer by Patti GreeneAnchor Me: Laying a Foundation in Bible Study and PrayerAwaken Me: Growing Deeper in Bible Study and Prayer
Works Cited
¹ Israel, David. “7 Famous Hoarders.” Mental Floss, 22 Oct 2009. http://mentalfloss.com.
Accessed 11 Aug 2017.
² Tsui, Bonnie. “Why Do You Hoard?” Pacific Standard, 29 Apr 2013. https://psmag.com.
Accessed 10 Aug 2017.
³ “How to Recover from Hoarding—Getting Organized.” Living on a Dime. Livingonadime.com.
Accessed 10 Aug 2017.
⁴ Types of Hoarders. Address Our Mess. https://www.clutterhoardingcleanup.com/types-of-hoarding/
Accessed 17 Oct 2017.
⁵ Got Questions. “What Does the Bible Say about Compulsive Hoarding?” Accessed 10 Aug 2017.
Hurricane Harvey and Survivor Syndrome: Today, I am being completely vulnerable in hopes that my words will encourage someone who has encountered “survivor syndrome” symptoms.
You may have kept hearing, “WE ARE HOUSTON STRONG!” while you sit there thinking, “Maybe Houston is, but I’m not.”
If you have encountered emotional numbness and anxiety during Hurricane Harvey like I have, this newsletter is for you.
Survivor syndrome is defined as, “a characteristic group of symptoms, including recurrent images of death, depression, persistent anxiety, and emotional numbness, occurring in survivors of disaster”—not to be confused with survivor’s guilt which is defined as, “feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died.” ¹
Both these syndromes come in varying degrees. Some dissipate when the disaster is over while other symptoms linger.
What I Have Learned Through Hurricane Harvey
1. I’m not as strong as I thought I was;
2. I stress out easily;
3. I can live for a while on other peoples’ prayers, but it’s not recommended;
4. Too much TV and social media during a crisis are not good for me;
5. Sitting too long hurts my back;
6. Being cooped up in a house for days on days is not cool;
7. Don’t expect me to make rational decisions when I am stressed, and please don’t add to my stress by requiring me to make decisions;
8. I tire more easily in traumatic situations; [More than usual that is.]
9. I should expect palpitations; and
10. I need to become a stronger Christian.
This doesn’t sound like the kind of believer I hoped I would be during this crisis. I’m a little ashamed at my own demeanor during Harvey.
You see, my home did not flood; my roof did not leak; my cars did not get flooded out; I did not walk through waist-high waters; I did not get helicoptered out of my home; I did not have to take my important papers out on a boat; I did not have pets to care for; and I didn’t have to deal with my insurance company or FEMA.
Yes, I did evacuate for a few days due to street flooding and possible higher waters. However, my family could move back home a few days later unscathed.
The news was filled with dramatic rescues in and around Houston—tempered by dramatic losses of all kinds.
Instead of hearing the usual local Houston colloquialisms like . . .
• It’s still under construction;
• It’s close—only 30 minutes away;
• Inside the loop;
• It’s the humidity, not the heat; or
• On the feeder.
I was hearing . . .
• My house is underwater;
• I’ve lost everything;
• I don’t know where to go;
• I don’t have flood insurance;
• Houston combating Harvey looters;
• The bayou has overflowed;
• Harvey continues to bring catastrophic floods;
• The rain is rising; and
• Evacuations are mandatory.
So, What Would I Do Differently or More Intentionally Next Time?
1. Be more prayer-prepared for crisis situations—any kind of crisis! [I need to start today praying for “NEXT TIME.”]
2. Have a preplanned idea of how I can help both others, myself, and our family when the next emergency occurs;
3. Pray and read the Bible more than watching the news and participating in social media;
4. Move around more even if it means walking up and down the stairs;
5. Understand that every person is in a different situation. [I wish I would have recognized early on that my calling during Hurricane Harvey was to care for my 92-year-old mother.]
6. Encourage others to participate in God’s work and validate their calling during times of trauma;
7. Be prepared to share Jesus and His love at every opportunity possible;
8. Recognize that we are all growing in the Lord at different rates and through different circumstances;
9. Give more hope to those facing catastrophic situations;
10. Pray for my church and for other churches to be the hands and feet of Jesus; and
11. Listen to Christian music.
I hope this newsletter touches those who need to hear it. My prayer is that we will all work through this tragedy in a manner that is pleasing to Him. And, that we might grow to become more like Jesus through it all. God uses our circumstances to grow and mature us. Let’s recognize this and be pre-prayed up for the next time.
For my Houstonian friends, we are Houston STRONG! But God is STRONGER! He is great and abundant in strength. His understanding is infinite. He gives us sound wisdom.
And, don’t worry about me. I’m on the road to recovery—Yes, I really am!
Bible Verses:
So, teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)
. . . But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. (2 Peter 3:18)
For this reason, I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25)
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” (James 4:13)
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, I love you. Forgive me for areas I have not been as faithful and strong as I should have been. Help me and prepare me for the next time I encounter devastation. You are my rock. I need You always. Thank You for always being by my side. Be with my friends who have lost their homes, possessions, and livelihood. Send Your ministering angels to them. For it is in in the name of Your son Jesus I pray. Amen.
God bless you.
If you would like to receive email notifications of new posts or to receive monthly newsletters, please go to www.GreenePastures.org. If you found this post helpful, please like/share it so others can get the benefit. And, if you’ve experienced similar emotions, I’d love a comment! Thanks.
Caregiving: How to Prepare, Embrace, and Survive the Final Moments. Ask any recent mother about her child delivery experience and you will not hear the same run-of-the-mill stories. Each woman’s childbirth experience is different. As a point of comparison, there are just as many accounts about the dying process. Just as we come into this world in our own unique way, we will also leave it in our own distinctive fashion. But, one thing is for sure—we will all die someday. Our life stories will be different, as evidenced in obituaries and hand-me-down family stories. We hate to admit it, but simply stated, death is a part of life.
One day your parents might be sitting on the couch chatting with you. A week or so later, they may be lying in bed struggling with labored breathing and experiencing hallucinations. You may be alarmed with the death rattle you hear in their chest. Shortly thereafter, they might die in your arms or while you are in a different room. But, then what?
When a loved one is close to passing away, we know we will face impending pain, grief, and sadness especially when that final moment occurs. Often times we wish we had time to rest, mourn and cry right after the death of our loved ones—but we can’t. We are thrust into dealing with the practical steps that need to be taken. Being prepared for this moment is tough, but it is by far one of the most important steps you can take.
Commit your works to the Lord. And your plans will be established. (Proverbs 16:3)
Before the Final Moment: Preparing
If your loved one is lucid, having information available will be very helpful to you when the time of death occurs.
iInformation may include:
Instructions pertaining to burial and funeral arrangements, pastoral information, favorite Bible verses or hymns to use at funeral
Location of important documents. Examples include the will, people to notify upon death, personal documents, debts, keys (car, home, and safety deposit), pension papers, bank account information, insurance information, social security number, usernames and passwords, business instructions.
Personal information, e.g. name of colleges and degrees, certifications, past and current employers. All this is helpful to those left behind for probate, obituaries, and other important duties that need to be carried out.
If a person has been disinherited from a will, it is important to get an explanation in writing as to why in the will. This will help in resolving any disputes and/or contesting of the will.
Signs that Death is Near
As death becomes closer, you might notice that your parent might sleep more, be less verbal, eat less, drink less, encounter more pain, develop changes in blood pressure, experience a change in heart rate, undergo changes in skin, go to the bathroom less, become incontinent, suffer with confusion, experience erratic breathing, exhibit restlessness, endure difficulty swallowing, see visions, show evidence of glazed eyes, and extremities may appear bluish in color.
Saying Goodbye
Knowing when to call the family to say goodbye is difficult to gauge. When you notice symptoms, you may want to let family and close friends know so an opportunity to say a final farewell may occur. Obviously, at this point, you don’t know the exact time that death will occur, but most loved ones would appreciate a “heads up!”
It is interesting that many people have noted that sometimes before death, a person has a moment of lucidity. It happened the night before my father passed away. All the family was standing around his bed. He opened his eyes, looked at everyone and gave the biggest grin ever. It was so remarkable that he knew and loved seeing his family around during his last hours with leukemia. After seeing us all, he clapped for us. What a blessing that was!
Encountering the Final Moment: Embracing
I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever. (John 14:16)
If death occurs in a hospital or facility, the staff will usually guide you as to the steps that must take place.
If the death occurs at home under a hospice situation, there is no need to rush to call the funeral home. As reminder, “hospice” is not a place—It is a concept. Lingering around your loved one to say goodbye and comfort others is acceptable. When the hospice agency is called, they will support you and the family through your grief. They can also help you by contacting the designated funeral home if you have one. A death must be pronounced by a medical doctor or hospice nurse. Having hospice already in place will help the family during this difficult time.
It is worth mentioning that without hospice, the process will be more complicated. You will be responsible for making arrangement for your loved one to be picked up. But first, you will need to call 911. When an ambulance arrives, you might be asked when the time of death occurred. Be prepared to show a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate Order) especially if you have waited over an hour to call them.
After the Final Moment: Surviving
Request Death Certificates
When my father passed away, the funeral home told us to request at least 20 copies of the death certificates. There will be many instances where you will need them as you clear up their estate, personal affairs, and business. If the funeral home you are using does not supply those to you, they can be obtained by contacting the Vital Statistics office in the state where the death occurred. Most organizations will require an original death certificate, not a copy.
Inform All Financial Establishments
After you receive the death certificates, it will be time to contact all institutions regarding the death. Insurance companies, credit card companies, mortgage companies, brokerage firms, banks and more should be notified. Be aware that once banks are notified of a death, the accounts are usually frozen until new accounts are set up with the survivors; this may take longer than anticipated, so be sure the family has enough money/cash to get by until this is taken care of.
Get in Touch with Providers
Contact utility companies (telephone, cable, Internet service providers) for cancellation or name changes. It is not imperative to cancel home services such as gas, water, electric, lawn services, pest control until a later date. This will ensure that the home or apartment can continue to be maintained until decisions are made.
Report the Death to Government Agencies
Notify the Social Security office and the Veteran’s Administration about the loss of your loved one. While some benefits might be canceled, others may be adjusted for survivor benefits. If your parents were veterans, survivor benefits may be available depending on the eligibility for you or other family members.
Contact Employers and Former Employers
Contacting current or former employers is essential. The Human Resources departments of these organizations will help you sort out benefits, life insurance, stocks, and beneficiary information. By contacting former companies, you might be surprised to find out that there is a death benefit that you are unaware of. It is your responsibility to find out about that, not theirs!
Probate the Estate
If the deceased had a will, there is usually an executor who is responsible for handling the distributing of wealth and property once a person dies. If there is no will, each state has rules and lists of qualified individuals to help you with distribution. If you have been named an executor, you must show proof of your role before working in that capacity; this is usually stated in the person’s will or an addendum. Depending on the deceased’s estate, it can take up to a year or longer to sort out all the details.
Spiritually Speaking
One simple fact is when our loved one dies, there are no easy answers or exact protocol to follow. There will be pain, grief, and sadness. When the apostle Paul spoke of death, he desired that “according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. (Philippians 1:20) As we face our death and the death of our family members, let’s view it as the beginning, not the end—a time to exalt and glorify God. When we envision that our real home is in heaven, it may be a little easier to let our loved ones go.
Saying that we cannot trivialize death. We will miss our parents or family members when they pass away. It’s easy to focus on ourselves and the loss that we will/have encountered both before and after they die. Many people who spend the days, weeks, and months before an impending death giving their loved ones’ support, compassion, love, and care finding it very comforting to their souls.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 states, “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—a time to give birth and a time to die.” Let’s be prepared for God’s moment and His timing by being wise, fruitful, and loving while we embrace our loved ones’ last days—in both the practical and spiritual sense.
Bible Verses:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)
In my distress, I called upon the Lord, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears. (Psalm 18:6)
Prayer:
Most gracious God. Please be with me as I face the final days of my parent(s). Let me care for them as You care for me. I need Your wisdom, Your grace, and Your peace. I need You now more than ever during this time when decisions need to be made. Let me be pre-prepared—both physically, emotionally and spiritually to know Your will during this difficult time. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
Works Cited/Bibliography
Preparing for the Death of a Loved One. [2016]: MetaMd. National Caregiver’s Library. Accessed 15 Oct 2016. www.caregiverslibrary.org.
Randall, Clark. 5 Things to Do Immediately After a Loved One Dies. USA Today. 24 Oct 2015. Accessed 15 Oct 2016. www.USAToday.com.
What to Expect When Your Loved One is Dying. WebMD. Accessed 15 Oct 2016. www.webmd.com.
If you found this post helpful, please like/share it so others can get the benefit. Thanks. If you would like to receive email notifications of new posts or to receive monthly newsletters, please click here and scroll down on www.GreenePastures.org to subscribe.
Caregiving. My husband and I moved in with my mother when my father passed away a year and a half ago. Mom is a fragile 91-year-old. Her health is not good, but her mind is phenomenal. Today I drove Mom and her friend to their church for a special service. We stayed afterward for the end-of-the-year Women’s Club luncheon. The women chatted, laughed, and enjoyed fellowship with their friends. You might ask why I chauffer my mother around like this; I do it because I love my mother and I want her to continue to enjoy the church she has attended for the past 50 years. It is there she fellowships with her friends and shares a spiritual connection with others and the Lord.
As a caregiver, our concerns usually center around our parents’ emotional, physical and social life. One aspect often lacking in caregiving is an interest in the elderly’s spiritual life. Whether you are a part-time caregiver or a full-time caregiver, giving yourself to the spiritual needs concerning your parents is truly a privilege.
For those who take their spirituality seriously, a sense of purpose and fulfillment undergirds their lives. Despite this fact, some do not understand or take seriously this component of another’s life. Understanding spirituality is complicated because there are so many scenarios and so many definitions of spirituality at play. They involve answering questions such as:
Are you a part-time caregiver or a full-time caregiver?
Are your parents living in the same town or city as you are?
Are you a strong believer, a ‘sort of’ religious person, or an uninterested individual?
Have your parents lived a dedicated life for Christ and the church? Have they attended church sporadically? Or, have they rarely explored any ‘religious’ life?
Once you mix and match all these different dynamics together, it’s time to discern and pray about your part in your parents’ spiritual life. Regardless of your parents’ spiritual background, caring for them is one of the most compassionate undertakings you or your siblings can pursue. Included in regular caregiving responsibilities, being a part of allowing your parents to pursue or continue their interests in God, church, and spiritual growth is an important part of caregiving.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)
Your Parents
Many seniors who have attended church all their lives develop a deeper desire for the things of God when they get older; but many do not. Some glide into old age making their spirituality more of an inward feat and not a community feat. In Spirituality and Aging, Sociology Professor Emeritus at Marquette University David O. Moberg says, “Many scientists who study spirituality and aging have concluded that spirituality increases with age. However, it is also important to acknowledge that other prominent researchers disagree with this premise.” ¹ Gerontologists are starting to see how the spiritual life regarding their patients yields an unexplainable peace and calmness as they face the future. As a result, their physical well-being is often affected in a positive way. They see their patients with faith as possessing strength and tranquility regarding their future.
Driving Forces Why Seniors Depend on God
Many seniors are concerned about their death and the afterlife.
Their faith provides strength as they face illnesses, loss of friends, and loneliness.
They have more time to pray and read their Bible.
Concern over a reduced income and the ability to meet their needs.
A renewed or deepening dependence and guidance by the Holy Spirit.
At a time when seniors tackle new challenges, many undergo losing their support systems. This should be a huge consideration in churches as “baby boomers” are starting to fit into the senior adult category.
Driving Forces Why Seniors Abandon their Faith and Church
Lack of activities for seniors—Feeling of alienation may occur when more emphasis is given to youth ministries, young adult ministries, or any ministries besides senior adult ministries.
Miss traditions—They feel left out, unwanted, unneeded in the congregation. Seniors enjoy the familiarity of things past, i.e. hymns, Sunday dinners, fellowship luncheons.
Difficulty adjusting to change—The new programs and facilities are too much for them. Adjusting to change is especially hard for the aging population.
Hearing loss—They can’t hear the preacher or Sunday school teacher.
Stimulating services (music, yelling, confusion)—The British Alzheimer’s Society discusses noise triggers by saying, “[People with Alzheimer’s] feel bewildered or anxious because there is too much noise, too many people around, or a change in a familiar routine.”
Other disabilities—There may not be handicapped parking or wheelchair accommodations at the church. They may be unable to get to church due to disability or inability to drive themselves. Or maybe, there is too much walking to get to their classes or sanctuary easily.
Caregiving and You
As a family caregiver member, it is imperative for you to be cognizant of your parents’ needs. This includes their spiritual needs.
Practical Ways You Can Help
If you live in the same town or city as your parents, bring them to church and church functions.
If you live out-of-town, contact their church organization, friends, or other family members to set up transportation.
If your parents are in a facility, investigate what kind of spiritual activities that are available.
Make their living environment familiar and comfortable, i.e. put their favorite cross in their room, be sure their Bible is easily accessible.
Provide notecards, stamps, and addresses so they can write and minister to their friends.
Get their hearing checked by an audiologist.
Get their eyesight checked by an optometrist or an ophthalmologist.
Purchase a large-print Bible for them if needed.
And, if you or family members live in the same city or town, be sure to visit them!
Whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 4:11)
Questions Caregivers Must Ask
What hindrances are my parents facing?
My parents used to attend church. Why don’t they go now?
How do I approach my unbelieving parents about Jesus Christ?
These are just a few of the many questions caregivers might have. You may want to spend some time thinking, meditating, and praying for what questions need to be asked and how you can be a part of the solution.
Being connected to God’s divine source can help you manage better as your caregiving duties progress. Continuing or starting to seek God’s presence and strength in your life will assist you as you care for and minister to your loved ones. Understanding you are not perfect alleviates a mindset of inadequacy. Remind yourself of all your parents have done for you. If they haven’t done much, it is time to ask God how He wants you to treat them and care for them regardless of the past. God is available to help you as you support your parents. By being their caregiver, you can be assured, God has given you a divine assignment—one that you won’t regret.
Salvation and Eternal Life
On our most recent visit to my mother’s oncologist, we were discussing mom’s diagnosis and future prognosis. In his matter-of-fact intonation, he said, “Mrs. —————, life is a terminal illness!” While we don’t want to think about life like this, it is true. We all will die and face an eternal future.
As we live our earthly life, let us be ever mindful about our eternal destination. Gaining an understanding of our future existence is significant in understanding life-and-death anxieties and angsts.
Both caregivers and parents and all humanity will die. CRU (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) discusses four laws in the booklet “Have You Heard of the Four Spiritual Laws?” ²
Four Spiritual Laws
Law 1: God loves you and offers a wonderful plan for your life.
If you or your parents have not accepted Jesus Christ, now is the time to have a frank conversation with God. If you are unsure how to pray for God’s salvation, a simple well-meaning prayer can be the best decision for both of your lives.
Dear God, I know I’m a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness. I believe Jesus Christ is Your Son. I believe that He died for my sin and that you raised Him to life. I want to trust Him as my Savior and follow Him as Lord, from this day forward. Guide my life and help me to do your will. I pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.” ³
If you have accepted Jesus Christ but your parents haven’t, now is the time to have a candid heart-to-heart with them.
Eight days before my father passed away, I had a candid heart-to-heart with him. He prayed a prayer akin to the prayer written above. As we sat on his couch at 5 am we quietly talked together and talked to God. Some may call this a deathbed conversion. No matter what it is called, my father accepted Jesus Christ and God used me to help him make the best decision of his life.
Caretaking means being responsible for various aspects of your parents’ life. As we face our parents’ sundown years, let’s do what we can to help them hold on to, delight in, and agree to take part in their spiritual life while at the same time progressing and preserving our own spiritual life.
Dear heavenly Father, as I consider all the needs of my parents, let me be mindful of their whole being. I pray for their emotional, physical, social, and spiritual life. Make me aware of their needs. Let me offer my help. Give us both peace. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
Works Cited/Bibliography
¹ Spirituality and Aging. http://www.nap411.com. Accessed 10 May 2017.
² Greene, Patti. Anchor Me: Laying a Foundation in Bible Study and Prayer. Bloomington: WestBow, 2016. [Permission given from CRU for Have You Heard of the Four Spiritual Laws summary.]
³ Begin Your Journey to Peace. www.peacewithgod.net. Accessed 10 May 2017.
Coming Soon: Caregiving Part 6: How to Prepare, Embrace, and Survive the Final Moments
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Senior citizens are living longer. They have access to medical treatments which can prolong their lives. Many “baby boomers” encounter difficult decisions about caregiving and living arrangements for their parents. While boomers are concerned about their parents’ well-being, they are often clueless about what housing options are available.
Evaluating the Level of Care Your Parents’ Needs
Safety Issues – Are your parents safe in their home? Is their driving safe for themselves and others? Are they able to take care of themselves?
Medical Issues – Are your parents able to administer and track their own medicine? What medical conditions do your parents have? Are they showing signs of memory problems?
Social Issues – Are your parents lonely? Do your parents have friends they like to socialize with?
Location – Are your parents happy where they live now? How will changing their current living situation affect them?
Cost – Are your parents financially able to sustain a decent standard of living? Are they able to afford their current housing arrangement?
Many parents are making cross-country migrations, leaving home to live with their children. The Chicago Tribune tells the story of Elizabeth Larson.
Elizabeth Larson, 93, moved from Champaign [Illinois] to be near her son, who lives in Hinsdale [Illinois].
My son said that if anything happened, if I needed him, he was too far away,” she said. She thought he was right. And she knew the solution, and that it would involve her leaving Champaign. Larson was sorry to leave neighbors she liked. But she didn’t have to leave her two closest friends. They had already moved to out-of-state retirement complexes near their own adult children. “So it was easier for me to move,” she said. And “in a way, it was kind of exciting. I thought it would be nice to be near my son. ¹
While it was a nice amicable move for Elizabeth, it can be a gut-wrenching decision for others searching for senior housing options. Moving is a complex and confusing decision. The earlier you assess your parents’ desires and needs the better it will be. By becoming aware of the different housing options available, you may be the biggest asset helping your parents come to terms with their living arrangement. Communicate with them, give them time to consider the options and be kind and gentle as they face one of the most difficult decisions of their lives.
Independent Care—Consists of single family homes or townhomes for self-sufficient seniors. They offer security and social activities in their community living setting. Services such as laundry, meals, transportation and social activities are usually provided. They are not regulated by the government. Independent Care facilities have a country club environment. The average cost to rent or buy a home, including community fees, can be up to $2,000 per month or more. They are also called retirement communities,retirement homes, or senior apartments.
Assisted Living—A community which provides 24-hour assistance. The personnel assists with eating, bathing and bathroom use. However, 24-hour medical service is not provided. Their care usually includes laundry, meals, transportation, social activities, toilet care, housekeeping and medication aid. Assisted living communities are regulated by the state. Other names for assisted living facilities are personal care homes, eldercare facilities, residential care facilities, group homes, and community residences. The cost ranges from approximately $2,300-$5,500 per month.
Nursing Home—A community which provides 24-hour assistance with daily living and medical care by nurses and therapists. Nursing homes include doctors on call, hospice and end-of-life services, medication aid, housekeeping, toilet care, bathing, dressing, transportation, and laundry. Nursing homes adhere to both state and federal regulations. They are also called rest homes, convalescent homes, and skilled nursing facilities. The cost averages between $4,000-$12,000 per month.
Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRC)—Campus-like communities which provide care from private residences to assisted living and skilled nursing care. They are designed for individuals with declining conditions. Many times the residents move from one community to another as their conditions change. The services are the same as nursing homes. CCRCs have some state regulations. These facilities are also called Continuing Care-Retirement facilities and life care facilities. Services and costs vary depending on what level facility one is in.
Aging in Place—Many seniors decide to age in place. This is a living arrangement where the elderly and their children have made the choice to live in the children’s home, their parents’ home or the home of their choice for as long as they are capable. When assistance is needed, nurses, private aides, physical therapists and other needed personnel will come to the home. Many seniors need to remodel their houses to make them suitable to meet their needs as they age. Financial planning is a must to handle living and home and providing for any outside help. ²
Defining Types of Care for the Elderly
Skilled Care—a type of intermediate care where the patient or resident needs more assistance than usual, generally from licensed nursing personnel and certified nursing assistants. This care is not the same as long-term care, in which a resident may not need the services of a licensed nurse on a daily basis.
Custodial Care—care when seniors need caregivers to help take care of them. Unfortunately, many older adults reach a time in their life when they can no longer care for themselves. They cannot get around the house without assistance. They cannot do the things they once did, as their physical and mental skills are not quite as sharp as they used to be. A caregiver may make all the difference between an older adult struggling with life’s demands and an adult who has a helping hand.
Palliative Care/Hospice Care—a special type of care offered to patients who are at the end of their lives. Both hospice and palliative care centers are about providing the best care possible to their patients.
Hospice care most often occurs in a home environment. Hospice is not a place—It is a concept. A hospice team consists of doctors, nurses, social workers, spiritual personnel, therapists, aides, and volunteers. Hospice does not focus on treating medical problems; rather, it centers on keeping the elderly pain-free, comfortable and happy during their last days. In the Hospice Handbook, Larry Beresford says, “While hospice is care for the dying, it places special emphasis on life and living each day as fully as possible.” ⁴ Eligibility in most hospice programs require an estimated death within the next six months due to the terminality of the patient’s illness.
Palliative care centers around the concept of care also. A nurse is there to lend support to the patient and family and to manage the pain and other symptoms which are affecting the patient. Palliative care usually occurs in a facility such as a hospital, assisted care facility, or nursing home that is associated with a palliative care team.
Due to different policies, It is important to consult with your physicians about what type of care is best for your parents.
Home Care—a type of medical and assisted living in which the care provider works with the patient within their own home. Typically, the process involves an initial meeting between the care provider and patient to determine the personal needs and the level of care required. The care provider and patient will then come up with a personal and customized program to make sure the patient’s needs are being met. The health care provider may be either a licensed professional or a part of a company which specializes in assisted living. Typically, assisted living organizations are comprised of nurses, doctors, and other medical professionals and are assigned to each patient based on their own specific needs.
Residential Care Homes—In some areas, residential care homes are the last resort in terms of finding placement for residents who don’t quite meet the criteria for nursing home care, but may not have the funds for assisted living. Residential care homes also tend to be a good choice for seniors who have mild mental health issues that hinder their ability to live independently or to be accepted into assisted living facilities.
Adult Day Care—places senior citizens into the hands of licensed professionals who are fully capable of taking care of them. For many people, this is a way for the elderly to get out of the house and socialize with other people. Socialization is extremely important; some people could easily slip into depression if they don’t have someone they can talk to.
Companion Care—Companions for the elderly. Companion care personnel are usually trained by their company in safety and CPR. They are also called comfort caregivers. No certification is required to be a companion. ³
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. (Exodus 20:12)
How to Pay
Often finding housing for our parents boils down to financial ability to pay for services. Without going in depth, some ways to finance parental care are to use private savings from the parents or children, money from the sale of a home, long-term insurance, reverse mortgages, Medicare or Medicaid, VA benefits, stocks/bonds, or any other financial means family or parents possess.
As children face the prospect of caring for their aging parents, complex decisions about housing are imperative. Each housing options listed above comes with benefits and complexities. It is up to the family to educate themselves on what is available by communicating with them and providing time to formulate a plan that works for all parties involved.
When my father passed away, my husband and I decided to move into my mother’s home to care for her. It was a mutual decision on our parts with the understanding that we would talk if the situation was not working well for any of us. As retired baby boomers, our situation allowed this arrangement. While it isn’t for everybody, it was a mutual decision made in the best interest of both my mother and ourselves.
As you face any upcoming living arrangements for your parents, be open-minded, respectful, realistic and informed.
The expression “there’s no place like home” is true. But, when the time comes when parents need to consider whether to move or not, let’s make sure that whatever plan is crafted creates a secure, comfortable and pleasing environment for all involved.
Bible Verses:
Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 4:11)
Cease striving and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:1)
Prayer:
Dear Lord, As I face caring for my parents, please help me honor and respect them in all decisions that must be made regarding living arrangements. I trust that You will guide me and give me wisdom as plans and decisions are made. Thank you, Lord, for helping me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
Coming Soon: Caregiving Part 5: Spirituality
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
Works Cited/Bibliography
¹ Older Parents Divulge What It’s Like to Leave Home to Live Near Adult Kids. Chicago Tribune. 5 June 2015. http://www.chicagotribune.com.
² Paying for Senior Care. https://www.payingforseniorcare.com. 5 May 2017.
³ Assisted Living Today. http://assistedlivingtoday.com. Accessed 5 May 2017.
⁴ McGovern, Sue. What Everyone Should Know About Hospice. St. Meinrad: Abbey Press. 2004. Print.
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The “rich and famous” can hire a personal health advocate to help them with the issues they or their parents face as they age. These advocates help with access to medication, transportation, and other individual challenges.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines an advocate as “one who pleads the cause of others.” ¹ They speak up for their client when they can’t speak up for themselves. While it would be nice for every elderly person to have their own personal health advocate, it is usually left up to family members to advocate on behalf of their parents and relatives rather than employing a paid staff member to help them navigate through the health and medical system.
Your parents need you and family members to:
Become familiar with their rights
Work on their behalf
Understand the intricacies of the services available
Be there to sign permissions, and
Resolve and discuss issues related to their healthcare.
Advocacy is essential when your parents reach a certain stage in life where they are unable to keep up with the complexity of the healthcare system. The elderly’s main health advocacy topics revolve around their doctor visits, medication, illnesses and disorders, dementia/Alzheimer disease, and Medicare/Medicaid.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)
Make Hay While the Sun Shines: Doctor Visits
If possible, you or a family member should accompany the aged to their doctor appointments. This is especially important if your parents have any cognitive disabilities surfacing. Establishing a relationship with your parents’ doctors and an office is the beginning of establishing an agreed-upon working plan for their healthcare.
Writing down questions for the doctor before the visit is always a good idea. You will want to bring a list of your parent’s symptoms with you to discuss with the physician. No matter how trivial a question might seem to you or your parents, it is important to bring it up so the doctor can piece together the entire picture so the best care is given. However, keep in mind doctors only have so much time allotted for your visit, so prioritize your questions and comments to each physician.
Always bring a list of your parent’s medications to all doctor’s appointments. Medication or dosage may change from week to week, so it is critical to inform every physician visited of any changes to vitamins, prescription drugs, and over-the-counter-medicines. In addition, depending on your parent’s insurance policies, you may want to ask your doctor to prescribe the generic medicine if it works as well as the non-generic.
After your visit, record what the doctor said, fill any new prescriptions, talk about the visit with your parents, and write down the next appointment date in your calendar along with a reminder to call for the results of any blood work.
Here Goes! Medication
Many seniors take an agglomeration of medication. It is a daunting task for them and their caregivers to make sure they are labeled correctly and administered properly.
My mother has a medicine that comes in two dosages. The problem is that the pills are the same exact shape and size. One day she wasn’t feeling well and she noticed an irregular heartbeat. After a little detective work, we discovered that she was taking a double dose of medicine because the two pills looked so similar except for the small inscription on the pill. It was quite evident that this double dose was causing a significant problem for her—one that was easily remedied but not always easy to detect.
Polypharmacy is the term used when four or more medications are prescribed to a patient. Most adults over 65 years of age are taking four or more meds and monitoring all their medicines becomes more difficult. Using the same pharmacy for all prescriptions is advantageous and advisable. The pharmacist will have records of all the medicines taken and whether there are possible side effects and interactions with other medicines. Once prescriptions are received, note the ailment that the prescription is for on the bottle or tube.
If your parents aren’t competent, it will be left up to you—the advocate and caregiver—to manage their medications. If they aren’t able, you or a family member will be responsible for doling out, organizing, and storing their medicine.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
To help with medicine, it is wise to write what ailment all prescriptions are used for on the bottle or tube. Doing so will not only help you, but it will be useful for anyone who might need to take over distributing medicine to your parents.
Prevention is Better Than a Cure: Illnesses and Disorders
The aged are living longer now than previous generations. It follows, then, that as they live into their 80s, 90s, or even their 100s they will encounter a multitude of diseases and disorders. The most common issues affecting seniors are listed below
Accidents, Health Issues, and Disorders
Blood
Bone, joint, and muscle
Brain, spinal cord, and nerve
Cancer
Digestive
Ears, nose, and throat
Eye
Health issues and disorders of the elderly
Hearing
Heart and blood vessel
Hormonal
Immune
Infections
Injuries
Kidney and urinary tract
Liver and gallbladder
Lung and airway
Men’s health issues
Mental health
Mouth and dental
Nutrition and metabolic
Skin
Women’s health issues
As an advocate for your parents, you must be aware and discerning about their condition. It is not uncommon for the elderly to fear to tell you of new symptoms that present themselves. They may be concerned about bothering you or they may be justly concerned that you might move them from their home to a facility if it appears they have too many problems. By telling them you are concerned and asking them to be honest with you, they are more apt to mention any symptoms they notice.
If your parents are having memory problems, their ability to tell you about new symptoms may be diminished.
In This World, Nothing is Certain: Dementia and Alzheimer Disease
As we age, nothing is certain. No one knows what illnesses, if any, may be bestowed on them. But, one of the most devastating diagnoses imaginable is when you and your parents hear the words “dementia” or “Alzheimer’s.”
The terms dementia and Alzheimer’s are often used synonymously to represent any kind of changes in the brain which negatively affect cognitive function. However, they are defined differently.
The Alzheimer Foundation of America defines Alzheimer’s disease as “a progressive, degenerative disorder that attacks the brain’s nerve cells, or neurons, resulting in loss of memory, thinking and language skills, and behavioral changes.” The foundation also defines dementia as “a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. Memory loss is an example. Alzheimer’s is the most common type of dementia.”
The signs were already there with my father. My mother and I noticed them gradually over the years. His confusion, inability to calculate a tip, slower reaction time and forgetfulness became more pronounced. By the time we took him to a neurologist, we knew. But when my father heard the word “dementia,” he was affected. It was his reaction that concerned us the most. He became worried about living and being an encumbrance on us, but at the same time was happy to have a name to put with his symptoms. Everyone reacts differently to the news. And, with Alzheimer’s or dementia, your parents may react differently from day to day!
Speaking specifically to Alzheimer’s, there are changes to the brain that have signs and symptoms. While the symptoms vary from one person to the next, some of the most common first symptoms of Alzheimer’s are: ³
Difficulty with word-finding
Vision/spatial issues, and
Impaired reasoning or judgment
Getting lost
Changes in personality
Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease. If you notice memory and cognitive changes with your parents, make an appointment with a neurologist. They will be able to discuss your parent’s symptoms with both of you. The physician will ask about the overall health of your parents, give memory tests, look at blood work, and possibly perform a CT, MRI, or PET scan to obtain a probable diagnosis. It is important to realize there are other medical conditions that can cause the same symptoms as dementia or Alzheimer’s and the physician will want to rule those out.
Owen Darnell has written a beautiful Alzheimer’s poem titled Do Not Ask Me to Remember. ⁴
Do Not Ask Me to Remember
Do not ask me to remember,
Don’t try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you’re with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I’m confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me.
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can’t help the way I’m acting.
Can’t be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you.
That the best of me is gone,
Please don’t fail to stand beside me,
Love me ‘til my life is done.
All Systems Go: Medicare
Lastly, as your parent’s caregiver, overseeing their Medicare or Medicaid is vital.
Medicare is health insurance for people 65 or older, people under 65 with certain disabilities, and people of any age with End-Stage Renal Disease (ESRD) (permanent kidney failure requiring dialysis or a kidney transplant.
A quick overview of Medicare from Understanding Medicare [medicare.gov] states,
Medicare Part A helps covers hospital insurance.
Medicare Part B helps cover medical insurance.
Medicare Part C is a Medicare Advantage Plan that includes all benefits and services under Part A and B and more.
Medicare Part D helps cover the cost of prescription drugs.
Medicaid is a federal system providing health insurance to those requiring financial assistance.
Keeping up with the benefits and changes in Medicare or Medicaid is important because it can affect your loved one’s premiums, deductibles, hospital care, drug coverage and more. It is important not to miss deadlines for signing up and/or making changes that will affect your parent’s coverage.
There may be major changes for both Medicare and Medicaid under the new Trump administration. Reform is always in the works. Being vigilant and knowledgeable of these government programs can affect the health and care of your parents.
For more information on Medicare, click on Medicare.gov.
For more information on Medicaid, click on Medicaid.gov.
One Day at a Time: Wrap Up
Advocating for your loved ones can be exhausting and overwhelming. Your spiritual life can be a real comfort during this season. Acting in Christian love will enhance your character and provide a renewed hope for your parents. Some days will be more trying than others. Praying to be the sons and daughters your parents need will give you strength and help you to set a loving tone each day as you handle the infinite issues involved in your parent’s care.
Your parents need you to help them manage and advocate for them through their doctor visits, medication challenges, illnesses, and insurance programs. Concentrate on short-term goals. And proceed “one day at a time.”
Bible Verses:
So, do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. (Romans 12:10)
Prayer:
My heavenly Father, I can get so overwhelmed with all the jobs involved in caregiving. You know I love my parents. You know I care, but I get tired. There is so much to do each day. Give me Your strength and wisdom as I face the challenges ahead. Let me wake each day with a renewed love for You and my loved ones. Let me live day by day in Your presence. These things I ask in Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God Bless,
Member Inspirational Writers Alive; Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member
Coming Soon: Caregiving Part 4: Housing Options for Elderly Parents
Edited by E. Johnson; Bible verses are taken from the NASB if not noted otherwise.
⁴ Owen, Darnell. “Alzheimer’s Poem: Do Not Ask Me to Remember.” alzheimers.net/2013-08-05/do-not ask-me-to-remember-poem. Accessed Apr 26 2017.
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