Tag Archives: character

How Do You Know Who to Marry? by Patti Greene

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Two Hearts
Two Hearts

A younger woman (whom I have known for a while) came to me with one of life’s biggest questions: “How do you know who to marry? “

As an older woman, Scripture calls me to guide — so I shared the simple truth God put on my heart. (She has approved my sharing to help others who may have the same question).

The Question

Dear Miss. Patti (Dear‑Abby Style),

I’m in my mid‑30s, and I’ve never dated before. Lately I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to have someone by my side, but I’m also nervous. My mother went through painful experiences with men, and I don’t want to repeat her story.

How do you know when a man is truly ‘the one’? How did you know your husband was the right person for you? I would really appreciate your wisdom.

No Name

My Response

1. Shared Faith

Your question is a wonderful one, and I’m glad you asked. The very first thing to look for is that he is a born‑again believer who truly follows Jesus. Not just in words, but in the way he lives.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” — 2 Corinthians 6:14

Watch how he treats people — waitresses, coworkers, his parents. A man who honors others will honor you.

2. Character & Respect

Pay attention to his everyday behavior.

• Does he speak kindly?
• Does he show patience?
• Does he respect your boundaries?
• Does he listen to you?
• Does he treat you like someone valuable?

Avoid anyone who yells, belittles, pressures, or shows signs of anger or a need for control.

“Love is patient and kind… it does not insist on its own way.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4–5

3. Purity & Clear Thinking

Avoid premarital sex. It clouds judgment, creates emotional confusion, and can hide red flags. Purity protects your heart and helps you see clearly.

“Flee from sexual immorality.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18

A man who honors God with his body will honor God with his marriage.

4. Shared Life Direction

Ask yourself:

• Are we spiritually compatible?
• Can we talk openly and trust each other?
• Do we laugh together?
• Is he responsible with work or finances?
• Does he want children?
• Would I be stepping into a family he already has?

Marriage is partnership — not just romance.

5. Family & Community Insight

  • Introduce him to people who love you and know you well.
  • Ask for honest feedback.
  • Sometimes others see things we miss.

6. Commitment Before God

Marriage is a covenant before the Lord.

Yes, you vow to love each other, but you also promise God to walk through life together ‘til death do you part. Hard seasons will come, and you need a man who will stand with you, not run away.

“What God has joined together, let no man separate.” — Mark 10:9

This does not mean you have to stay with someone who is abusive or unfaithful. But it does mean choosing someone steady, faithful, and committed.

7. My Own Story

You asked how I knew my husband was right for me. We met at church, and both of us were ready to commit ourselves to marriage — not just emotionally, but spiritually. He was kind to me from the very beginning. We talked openly, shared our hearts, and learned to trust each other.

One of the first signs of his sincerity was his visit to me in the hospital early in our relationship. That told me he truly cared. He treated my mother with respect and tenderness, and that meant a lot to me.

Our backgrounds, education, and upbringings were very different — but Jesus was at the center for both of us. That has held us together for 47 years.

We never believed there was only one possible person in the world we could have married. Instead, we believed marriage was a covenant before God — a commitment to honor, cherish, and walk with one another for the rest of our lives. And by God’s grace, that is what we have done and continue to do.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1
“Love never fails.” — 1 Corinthians 13:8

8. Final Thoughts

After 47 years of marriage, the biggest indicators I’ve seen are these:

  • Does he love the Lord?
  • Does he truly love you?
  • Does he respect you?
  • Do you love him?
  • What does his past tell you about his patterns?

Pray over these things. Search the Bible. God will guide you along the way!

Bible Verse:

Show me your ways, Lord. Teach me your truth. Guide me because you are the God who saves me.

—Psalm 24:4-5

Prayer:

O holy God, you know my heart. You know the many questions that swirl around in my mind. Please help me know and feel You working in my life, answering my many questions, and leading me along the path You want me to be on, with or without a spouse. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

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Books by Patti Greene

Coming Soon: Luke 2: The Christmas Story: Discover the Birth of Jesus in Scripture

Unstoppable: Go the Distance with God ISBN: 979-8284335017 

Answer Me: Developing a Heart for Prayer ISBN 978-1512760453

Bible Word Search Puzzles: The Gospels ISBN 979-8218070465

Bible Word Search Puzzles: Acts and Epistles ISBN 979-8218092696

Bible Word Search Puzzles: Epistles and Revelation ISBN 979-8363612046

Christian Caregiving: Practical Advice for a Happy Ending ISBN 978-0692115381

Awaken Me: A Devotional Prayer Journal ISBN 978-1490893181

Anchor Me: Laying a Foundation in Prayer and Bible Study ISBN 978-1490893174

 

Humility

What humility!

Hudson Taylor was scheduled to speak at a large Presbyterian church in Melbourne, Australia. The moderator of the service introduced the missionary in eloquent and glowing terms. He told the large congregation all that Taylor had accomplished in China, and then presented him as “our illustrious guest.” Taylor stood quietly for a moment, and then opened his message by saying. “Dear friends, I am the little servant of an illustrious Master.”¹

Humility is not a fashionable word to throw around. You don’t hear many people talking about it; it is very rarely spoken about from the pulpit; and if one says they are humble, it usually means they are not.

I knew when I wrote about PRIDE last week that I was obligated to tackle the tough topic of humility next. On a personal level, I desire to be humble, but I fear true humility is way beyond my reach. I feel more comfortable writing about topics I have some degree of knowledge about. But humility can’t be bought or achieved by intellectual means. It can only be obtained as we grow closer and closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. So, because the Bible addresses humility, I will attempt to give some perspective on it.

Michael M. Smith, the author of Becoming more like Jesus, defines humility as a trait that is “indispensable for growth in Christian character – for becoming like Jesus.”² As believers, we are called to be humble people. 2 Chronicles 7:14 states, “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

To become humble we must be willing for the Lord to peel pride from our character and be totally God-centered like the Lord Jesus. However, we each have areas in our lives that usually hinder our quest for humility. And, we usually do not like sharing this personal information with others lest they glean something into our character that we don’t want them to see. As you read the next few paragraphs, think about some of the triggers that affect you from becoming more Christ-like, i.e. jealousy regarding a friend’s fabulous vacation; pride because your child received a higher SAT score than their peers; or coveting the larger, custom home of a co-worker.

Characteristics of Humility [a humble person]

  • Asks for forgiveness and says, “I’m sorry” quickly;
  • Rejoices and praises others, but not themselves;
  • Follows Christ’s example the best they can;
  • Possesses Authenticity;
  • Listens to God
  • Possesses a grateful/thankful spirit;
  • Gives generously;
  • Shows modesty regarding their achievements;
  • Enjoys serving others;
  • Loves others;
  • Possesses the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’;
  • Enjoys seeing God in everything;
  • Projects sincerity;
  • Holds wisdom close by;
  • Retains control over their tongue;
  • Waits patiently upon God;
  • Admits faults easily;
  • Overlooks the failures of others;
  • Enjoys giving others credit that is due them;
  • Understands that they have so much to learn in the spiritual realm;
  • Accepts personal responsibility;
  • Desires daily encounters with God;
  • Longs for a touch from the Holy Spirit;
  • Agonizes over sin;
  • Compares themselves to the Lord rather than other people;
  • Recognizes their need for continual repentance; and
  • A humble person will NEVER boast of their humility.

Jesus – A Biblical Example of Humility

The Bible has many examples of humble people: Samuel, Esther, David, Daniel, and more. But, the most humble person in the Bible has to be the Lord Jesus Christ. He washed the feet of his disciples. [John 13:12-17] He gave his heavenly father all glory and honor [John 5:19,30,41] But, the biggest act of humility anyone could give, is that he submitted to God so fully that he took the form of a servant, humbled himself, and became obedient to the point of dying on the cross for our sins. His love for God and us was that strong.

It is one thing to talk about how to recognize a humble person, but we need to get to the point where we pursue or desire to pursue that kind of life ourselves with our entire heart and soul. But how?

Pursuing a Life of Humility involves:

  • A willingness and desire to rid ourselves of pride and be humble like Christ;
  • Praying for humility;
  • Faith in God’s ability to humble us;
  • Studying His Word continually;
  • Depending daily on the power of the Holy Spirit;
  • Following His leadings;
  • Living a disciplined life free from sin; and
  • Understand that God expects us to be humble.

Humility does not appear overnight. It is a trait that takes time to develop. We need time to grow into a person who is permeated with wisdom and grace. We will be tested to see if we will follow Him in many different circumstances. We need time to be taught what is right and wrong. We need time for the Word of God to blend into our life and character. But, as we experience more of God, we will find following him much easier as days pass by. With His grace, God’s strength will be perfected in us. As we find ourselves falling more in love with God, His Word, and our time communicating with Him, we will grow in humility. We might not even notice it, but others will. Look for opportunities to practice humility. Pray for those opportunities. Let’s stop tooting our own horn and let God have His way with us because he really is our “Illustrious Master.”

Blessings Always,

Patti

Bible Verses:

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Now he told a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the places of honor, saying to them, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:7-11

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Romans 12: 10-16

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:12-13

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Prayer:

Oh Jesus, I confess my proud spirit to you right now. Please give me the discipline to develop my character to become more like you. I desire your presence in all areas of my life. Make my prayer life and Bible reading be filled with your Holy Spirit’s leading, so I can be the person you designed me to be. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

¹Wiersbe, Warren. Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching and Preachers. 7 Dec. 2015. p. 243.

²Smith, Michael. Becoming More like Jesus. Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1999.

Bible Gateway Blogger Grid (BG²) is an international network of independent bloggers who meaningfully blog—and who are serious—about matters relating to the Bible. Follow the members on Twitter using our BG² List.

Bible Gateway Blogger Grid (BG²) is an international network of independent bloggers who meaningfully blog—and who are serious—about matters relating to the Bible. Follow the members on Twitter using our BG² List.